Sark is Succulent...

A wonderful friend of mine once upon a time introduced me to a lady named Sark. My friend gave me a book called The Bodacious Book of Succulence. A very good, good read decorated with whimsical drawings inspiring creativity at every turn. And I was looking through my quote books and realized I already had something from Sark before I even knew who she was.
I love the following excerpt and I hope it strikes your fancy as well.

Plant impossible gardens.
Look forward to dreams.
Cry during movies.
Swing as high as you can on a swing set by moonlight.
Cultivate moods.
Do it for love.
Take lots of naps.
Take moon baths.
Giggle with children.
Listen to old people.
Drive away fear.
Play with everything.
Entertain your inner child.
Build a fort with blankets.
Get wet.
Hug trees.
Write love letters.


And after reading this a few more times I came to the conclusion that out of a list of 17 things I believe Sark feels are important things in life and I must say I agree with her wholeheartedly I can say CHECK to 15 of them. I think Sark is just trying to tell us Athena that life is here to be lived. Every moment is a treasure and we must not squander any opportunity to eat every last delicious morsel life has to offer and then scrape the bowl with our tongues. I think all of the things on this beautiful list will evoke a spectacular array of emotions in us and gently remind us that it's okay to stop and smell the roses, or get a little dirty and disheveled and savor the little moments in life that make for big, big lessons. In a world where so many people have lost their sense of wonder I want you to keep this list close to your heart so that you always remember how wonderful it is to be alive and to be privileged enough to appreciate all that is around you. I want you to see life in absolutely everything. If there is something you are afraid to do, I want you to do it and do it big. I want you to be silly and have fun and jump in piles of raked leaves and big muddy puddles. When I am jogging or going for a walk I make it a point to touch leaves on bushes and trees or even run into branches instead of around them. I like the way it feels being close to nature and feeling it on my skin. I want you to appreciate the life that nature provides for us. And I definitely want you to write love letters! To me there is no more beautiful gift you can give someone than a letter, especially a love letter. It's so intimate and personal when you take the time to sit down and capture a moment of emotions through words. I try to write as many letters as I can and if I EVER give someone a book as a gift, it is not a complete gift without a touching written dedication inside. So I hope I can teach you through my own actions to be able to check off every single last thing on this list so that you can live life as succulently as possible I love you

Nails in The Fence....

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lost his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail each day the was able to hold his temper. 
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, the leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

I love that story and it reminds me that words are very powerful indeed. And the ones we say in anger seem to be the most powerful. No one can really see the pain they cause but the person you hurt with them, they feel it every day and they carry that burden daily as well. I realize that because I have this affinity for words I don't ever feel the slightest need to get violent because I feel that you can really hurt someone so much more with words. Not just the mere word itself but the passionate fervor with which you express them. You can really bring words to life with your delivery. I realize that there have been far too many times in my life when I have used my words to hurt others and I have to say reading this and typing it for you kind of slapped me in the face a little bit. How can I have words like these in my realm of thought and yet turn so easily to my cornucopia of words to belittle or hurt someone? So I am going to try to tame that part of myself as much as possible. I know it may be a challenge at times because for me it has always been a defense mechanism but it's not right or good and I need to show you that by leading the way. I need to show you that the only way your words mean something is if you put them to good use. It's easy to be bad, or mean and so much more difficult to keep grace under pressure and treat everyone kindly even when you don't feel so kind yourself. It's little things like these that I feel make a person extraordinary. So when I am feeling the need next time to go grab onto some some condescending, facetious, or obnoxious commentary I will remember this story and try to be kind instead. And I will always, always, always try my very best to of the utmost kindness to you. I want your world to be filled with beautiful words and pristine fences! I love you.

Funny little moments...

It's amazing to me that even at such a young age you are able to differentiate between what you like and what you don't. I have been playing for you since way before you were born a collection of classical music by the wonderful folks down at Baby Einstein's. There is a long extended instrumental of Twinkle, Twinkle. And boy oh boy do you fight sleep tooth and nail. I really don't get that. I cannot tell you how I value my sleep. It is most definitely one of the most delicious things in the world. Nothing re-energizes your body and soul like a good sound sleep! But you ....no ma'am, you're like, "Uh yeah no lady what's wrong with you? Sleep? Sleep is for the weak, I want to keep exploring this world...laughing...playing...drooling...you leave me be or I will put up a good ferocious struggle....I will scratch, scream, tug, pull, jerk until either your body starts going numb or I go down....one of the two ....not both.....and I SWEAR I'm determined to win this time sucka!"
Now, I also play for you a DVD by Baby Einstein's called Baby's First Sounds. It's supposed to be for 6 months and above but when I experimented to see if you'd dig it, oh you DID, so I do what I can to ensure I tickle your insides....And on this DVD there is all sorts of random things, images, songs, poems, and so forth. And every now and then and it happens often there will appear an image of a starry sky at dusk and the song Twinkle Twinkle will come on first in English then a few more different images play then again the song in Spanish ...and etc. it comes on in a few languages....and you HATE that DVD for the few seconds it plays the song. It truly is hilarious. As soon as the music stops you begin kicking your legs and flailing your arms in excitement. You start giggling and all is well in the world as long as we don't try to fool you with Twinkle Twinkle.... I am truly grateful beyond measure and humbled at the fact that I am able to be part of a generation that technology has developed and nurtured so that I am able to always capture your many funny little moment's with so much facility. I love you.

So that you don't even need me.....

Hello my beautiful goddess of wisdom and warcraft!!!
You are a little under the weather. I usually write you at night once you have officially left me and gone with the sandman. But today you are sitting next to me watching Babty Einsteins Baby's First Sounds and since you are completely and totally enthralled by it I thought I would write a quick post today to share with you a poem I had completely forgotten about until I grabbed all my quote books and started flipping through them.

Daughter

By: Nicole Blackwell

One day I'll give birth to a tiny baby girl

And when she's born she'll scream

and I'll make sure she never stops.

I will kiss her before I lay down and tell her a story

So she knows how it is and how it must be 

For her to survive

I'll tell her about the power of water

the seduction of paper

the promise of gasoline

and the hope of blood

I'll teach her to shave her eyebrows and mark her skin

I'll teach her that her body is her greatest work of art.

I'll tell her to light things on fire and keep them burning

I'll teach her that the fire will not consume her, 

that she must take it and use it.

I'll tell her to be tri-sexual, try anything, to sleep with, 

fight with, pray with anyone, just as long as she 

FEELS SOMETHING. I'll tell her to do her best work 

when it rains. I'll tell her to reinvent herself every 28 days.

I'll teach her to develop all her selves.

The courageous ones,

The smart ones, 

The dreaming ones, 

The fast ones, 

I'll teach her that she has an army inside her

that can save her life.

I'll tell her to say FUCK like people say THE

And when people are shocked to ask them 

why they so fear a small quartet of letters.

I'll make sure she carries a pen so she can take down the evidence.

If she has no paper, I'll teach her to write everything down on her tongue

write it on her thighs.

I'll help her see that she WILL NOT find God 

or salvation in a dark brick building

built by dead men.

I'll explain to her it's better to regret the things she has done

than the things she hasn't. I'll teach her to write her manifestos 

on cocktail napkins.

I'll say she should make them lick her enterprise.

I'll teach her to talk hard.

I'll tell her that her skin is the MOST BEAUTIFUL dress

she will EVER wear.

I'll tell her that people must earn the right 

to use her nickname, that forced intimacy is an UGLY thing.

I'll MAKE her UNDERSTAND the she is 

worth far more with her clothes ON!

I'll tell her that when the words finally flow too fast, 

and she has no use for a pen, that she must quit her job, 

run out of the house in her bathrobe, leaving the door open.

I'll teach her to follow the words.

I'll tell her to stand up and head for the door

after she makes love. When he asks her to stay

she'll say she's got to go.

I'll tell her that when 

she first bleeds

When she is a woman, 

to go up to the roof at midnight, reach her hands up to the sky, 

AND SCREEEEEEAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!

I'll teach her to be whole, to be holy, to be so much more

that she doesn't even NEED me anymore.

I'll tell her to go quickly and never come back.

I will make her stronger than me.

I'll say to her never forget what they did to you

and never let them know you remember.

Wow. That is some powerful S@#%!  I remember reading that poem and transferring it from one of my friend's quote books to mine thinking, " Man if I ever have a daughter......" And now my dear I have you and I just can't wait to share with you everything that has come to me in my life. I am so excited. I will pray everyday that you are with me for the rest of my life and yours so that I may pass onto you all of my knowledge and then some. Here's hoping you absorb it all and put it to use so that you don't even need me anymore. No totally kidding, I want you to always want and need me. I love you mamin

I've Never Missed A Rainbow

I wanted to talk to you today about something so incredibly dear to me my beautiful warrior goddess. It's about a place I like to go to everyday and a place where I can always feel Jehovah's intense presence. But first I will tell you a story.
When I was in fifth grade at Lovett, as a celebration of our accomplishment of leaving elementary the school took us on a five day excursion.....it was five days AWAY from our parents....an excursion at a place called Camp Olympia and some of us went to Camp Cullen both in Trinity, here in Texas. On the last night there some of us went on a hike. I can remember to this day so vividly how it was so dark the only way we'd get anywhere was with our flashlights and focusing intently on the sound of the footsteps in front of you. I can remember the counselor pointing out the little spiders with glow in the dark eyes that also aided in lighting our path. And then when we got to just the right spot the counselor told us to take out our towels and lay on the ground and turn off our lights. He then proceeded to tell us a story about this fellow named Orion and to show us this constellation that his story had suddenly brought to life. Now I am not exactly sure if it's normal for a fifth grader to have the experience that I did when I laid my head on the soft earth and let my eyes glaze over the darkness and follow it to the heavens above, but the words of the counselor seemed now like they were coming from underwater ....waaaahhhhh waaahhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....and all the sounds, the music of the nature that surrounded us faded and in that darkness I looked up and saw Athena the MOST magical vision I'd ever seen. It was an ocean of stars ...an vast, endless ocean of glittering light that flickered in and out but still remained so resplendent. And I promise you the way they consumed the night sky it seemed as though I could literally reach my hand out and grab a handful of stars and eat them and let them overtake my soul so that I was always shining from the inside. And while Orion remains my favorite constellation to this day and his story will always endear me it was not necessarily that that moved me. Because Athena even as little as ten, but then again, maybe the numbers life gives us aren't always important and definite for we are very capable beings from the day we are born. We are inherently blessed with the ability to appreciate life in this way no matter our physical number. Forget the numbers. What moved me laying affectionately on the earth, absorbing it's warmth and moisture, loving it, was that when I looked up and saw that sublime and brilliant infinite moving picture of Supreme and Utter artistry I knew I would be a complete and total captive of this place The Sky.
I remember laying there thinking, "I am so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I am in AWE of this most mesmerizing piece of artwork." I knew by looking up at the sky that we have to always have a sense of wonder, gratitude, respect, admiration, and curiosity for the world that we live in and have been so graciously blessed with. So ever since then I just had a very ridiculous fascination with anything involving the heavens.
A few years ago I started a portfolio of sorts. You see I love art, and we will definitely talk about that more in depth later and when I look up at the sky I just feel like it's Jehovah's own ever changing canvas. I feel so lucky when I look up and see such tremendous, humbling, exquisite beauty. So I thought to show my gratitude I'd capture these moments and share them with others in hopes that they could feel what I felt every time I looked up. I have over 600 shots of the sky and some of the miracle of flight, as I've envied any creature with that ability since reading Jonathan. I have been incredibly fortunate in the shots I've captured I think. And here's the one that started it all;

If you look closely you will see a face in the clouds where the dark cloud on the right begins. Tata noticed this and pointed it out to me and I like to say it's one of Jehovah's angels blessing my appreciation for His work.

And another face in the clouds the same day.

“Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.” -Richard Bach-

“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have
And step into the darkness of the unknown
Believe that one of the two will happen to you
Either you'll find something solid to stand on
Or you'll be taught how to fly!” -Richard Bach-

And here are just a few more shots from my collection

And when the day arrives I'll become the sky and I'll become the sea and the sea will come to kiss me for I am going home. Nothing can stop me now.
Trent Reznor

It's amazing what you see when you look up. These are cirrostratus nebulosus clouds and form a halo around the sun or moon. My neck will hurt from staring at these endlessly I mean come on seriously....amaaaaaaazing!

A certain recluse, I know not who, once said that no bonds attached him to this life, and the only thing he would regret leaving was the sky.
Kenko Yoshida

"Excuse me, while I kiss the sky."
Jimi Hendrix

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.
Rabindranath Tagore

 

And being so enthralled by the sky and all it's celestial wonders I've always wanted to fly and so I have .....TWICE.....
                                                 "Come to the edge.
                                                     No, we will fall!
                                                           Come to the edge.
                                                                   No, we will fall.

                                                   They came to the edge. He pushed them......

.

                                                                       And they FLEW......

There are endless treasures in the world above us for us to find and claim as our own. I feel rich beyond measure every time I look up. And I hope through our adventures together that you feel the same. 

"May you never miss a rainbow because you are looking down." I love you.

Sparky Eye Smilers and Sunbeam Faces

Hello there ma petite enfant,

Tonight I just wanted to share a few short passages out of some of my very favorite childhood books! And finding these quotes in one of my quote books made me go digging in your library to find both books so I could show off your library and of course these unforgettable and undeniably amazing little books.

And in picking them up I was overcome with a tremendous desire to read them both again. I'll give you a review when I do. But in the meantime, I just wanted to pass this along because I think it's rather self-explanatory.

Here's the cover of Danny, one of my all time favorite books that I now can't wait to read again and certainly I can't wait to read it to you and with you. And that's a picture of Danny's sparky dad. Here's the passage.

"You might think, if you didn't know him well, that he was a stern and serious man. He wasn't. He was actually a wildly funny person. What made him appear so serious was the fact that he never smiled with his mouth. He did it all with his eyes. He had brilliant blue eyes and when he thought of something funny his eyes would flash and if you looked carefully, you could actually see a tiny little golden spark dancing in the middle of each eye. But the mouth never moved.
    I was glad my father was an eye smiler. It meant he never gave me a fake smile because it's impossible to make your eyes twinkle if you aren't feeling twinkly yourself. A mouth smile is different. You can fake a mouth smile any time you want simply by moving your lips. I've also learned that real mouth-smile always has an eye smile to go with it. So watch out, I say, when someone smiles at you with his mouth his eyes stay the same. It's sure to be a phony."

 

And last but certainly not least I wanted to share this last tidbit with you from the very last page of Danny, The Champion on the World. I can remember being like 9 or 10 reading this book, crying, laughing, devouring the book and then reading this at the end and being so touched by it, that is the sole reason that book stuck with me til this day.

I pray to Jehovah that you always feel twinkly so that your eyes are always smiling, that your face is always shining with goodness and may He give me all I need to be the sparkiest parent you could have so that one day about 65 years from now (j/k) you may be the very same thing in turn . I love you mamin. xoxoo

Beautiful old people.....

Buenos dias mi vida, mi corazon, mi gordita sabrosa....
Today's quote is one of my all time favorites ....it's funny I have memorized so many of my quotes...I like to hand them out as much and as often as possible. It comes from Eleanor Roosevelt

"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art."

My beautiful, gorgeous, delicious, soft, incredible, strong, inspiring, hard working, unforgettable old people Mama Zaida, and My Papa Marcos...DuuuuDuuuuuDUUUUUUKEEEEEEEE

When you are young you have the youthful beauty, so innocent and pure, so nice to look at but you have yet to experience anything that would allow you to have fully developed into a nice juicy, ripe fruit ready for the picking! You are but the bud of a flower that takes a lifetime to truly bloom. And then life happens and you see yourself through some formidable nightmares and just enough exuberant delights that help you feel you have the strength to continue on to see another day. And every day chisels away at that youthful exterior, that delicious taut countenance that women and men pay good money in attempts to recreate and possess once again, gravity takes over, your skin loses it's gentle glow, you don't move as gracefully and you think you're not much to look at. But when all of that happens, inside that seed has bloomed in such a majestic manner that none of those things are so much as even noticed for a second by the trained eye that is. Old people Athena, they are the most beautiful thing there is. That is why we must appreciate them, love them, befriend them, hear them, heed their advice, absorb their wisdom, touch them for there is no age limit on needing human contact, and involve them in our lives. But most of all Athena, we must protect them. They are the gate keepers for so many things that are sacred but for me specifically they are where we come from and where we will go so we must see to it that value them as they should be. I am going to teach you to be kind to old people, to never have to be asked for your help because you are already so willing and ready to give it, to respect old people, learn from them, and see them as your friends and as teaching angels. I remember not just volunteering at Retirement communities but also singing at them and the joy exuded from every single old person's pores, you could smell the gratitude (amongst other things ;-), their eyes twinkled with the dew of that ripe, juicy fruit whose flower was releasing all of it's magic.
And then not too long ago, I was fortunate, honored, privileged enough to get a few cooking lessons from my own grandmother, and I saw a true come to life right before my very eyes work of art. Her hands, her fingers moved with the intensity of a bulldozer, mixing ingredients like she wasn't at all aware she was indeed a tiny, Puerto Rican midget. And as rough as those hands moved, they still felt like your baby butt! But then again, since I know the times those hands have seen and felt, and all the fingerlickin, bowl, spoon, pan licking good food they have blessed my lips and stomach with I have always thought her hands to be gorgeous. So seasoned at her craft she had no need for measurements or recipes pssshhhh come on now....and a story she had for absolutely every single step. I stood there watching this woman, knowing that from her tiny little frame had come five beautiful children, from her tiny little hands she fed them and cared for them, knowing she'd lost her other half and still stood here so resilient, so strong, so alive and I was so amazed at how incredibly gorgeous she seemed to me. It was like the wall opened up behind her and there was fog and bright white lights and the sound of ethereal ooooo's and ahhhhhh's come bursting though.....and that is what you should feel and see with all old people Athena....
They are magnificent .....and all of them, they are yours, so be gentle and kind with them and the rewards to your life and soul will be endless. But most of all remember to always stand up for them, fight for them and protect them as though they were your very own works of art. I love you and goodnite!!!

We'd be lost without it.....

Hello my fantastic warrior goddess,
You're such a perfect and wonderful little baby. You run like clockwork for me and you only fuss when you want something or need sleep. You sleep from 7:30 to 7:30 and I swear you smile at everyone. I'm so lucky to have you and I cannot possibly express to you, there are not words sufficient, not worthy enough to properly describe how much I look forward to all of our adventures. Tonight in the midst of you I was able to watch Glee. I am positive one day you and I will be able to watch this show together but tonight's episode prompted me to write you about music in this here little (ok maybe not so little....but you know) entry.

"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." -Plato-

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to soul"

"Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto." -Ralph Waldo Emerson-

"Without music, life would be an error." -Nietzsche-

"I've never known a musician who regretted being one. Whatever deceptions life may have in store for you, music itself is not going to let you down." -Virgil Thomson-

I can only pray that you will learn to appreciate music in all of it's glory for it is something that is beyond powerful. Music and words go hand in hand for me.Maybe music is what paved the way for my obsession with words. Music was my gateway drug if you will. I can remember going to Lovett Elementary, the school that forever changed my life. One day I will tell you all about Lovett, but for now .....I can remember going to that school, a school that placed a strong emphasis on nurturing our artistic side in order to enhance our intellectual and emotional growth and development. I played the violin and the flute once a week and I remember once a week going to see Mrs. Evans my choir teacher and we'd play instruments and sing our little hearts out. "When John Henry was just a little baby, sitting on his fathers knee...." I loved that song....man oh man ... It was there I learned about not just music all people should know about here but I learned about music from all over the world."Dreidel, dreidel I made it of clay....." And we'd put on several shows a year ...I was in nearly all of them, ever year. Let me see if I can't locate pictures and post them here for you so we never lose them and you can see what mami did and was part of when she was little) I absolutely lived for that stuff Athena, I still do! I remember being Mozart's sister, Nannerl I still remember this part of my monolgue: "Hellooooooo everyone Nannerl is MY name and playing the clavichord is MY claim to fame...." wow. What a trip, and I was at the cardboard clavichord we'd made and had little boys dressed as mice (The musical was "Of Mice and Men) underneath my instrument, both of whom I had a huuuuuuge crush on! Travis and Zach....why do I still remember their names and the line from that play?

Miss "Nannerl" Mozart looking oh so sexy!! Wait til you see your mami as her!

  I will tell you why I remember every single show I was a part of and very small details of those very early times in my life Because that was MY music at the time, it was the music of my life. My dear Athena, real music, good music is TIMELESS. It imprints your soul and leaves a mark that you couldn't possibly get rid of, though I doubt anyone would want to. Music unites people in a way that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING else can. Music has been known to creep under ones skin and lodge itself in every last curve and crevice of your entire being. It illuminates even the darkest days and makes even the largest pain subside. Music is all of the things those very beautiful people up there said it is. There has never been a moment in my life that music didn't somehow soothe my soul. I can literally remember things in my life solely because of the music at the time. And that's not to say popular music at the time, but MY music at the time. allllllll kinds of music don't get me wrong. But classical, Athena, that is WHERE IT'S AT! Jazz comes in a very, very, very close second. But classical, it never fails when I listen to classical I'm just completely swept away to magnanimous worlds where what happens is up to me and the way the strings stimulate my synapses, the woodwinds work their wonderful wooing magic, the brass benevolently bestows me with beautiful resonating notes, and the way the percussion never ceases to give the pieces the perfect proportion of peculiar panache something about all of that infiltrates every pore of my body and uplifts me in a way that lets my imagination run away with me. You know what I take it back, classical is not the only music that matters. All music matters and is equally important. As long as makes you feel good and alive then hey whatever floats your boat. But classical is for me the foundation for all other music. It is the most beautiful and the most moving. We'll talk more music later but for now just know one very simple truth, without music....well we'd be nothing, we'd be lost. So here's hoping that music points you in some very beautiful directions, allows you to experience many wondrous moments and connects you to an immense number of special, magical, and creatively rich individuals throughout your life as it has done in mine thus far. I love you.

A Noble Truth........

Mi gordita preciosa y bella,
Once again you are passed out on a trip to the land of slumber, oh I do hope you bring me back something neat!

So last night I wrote you about learning from your mistakes. Well in the past I have been the kind of person that if there was a bump in a friendship of mine for instance I'd count my blessings and be on my way. If someone felt the need to end our friendship I was like, "Oh well, who needs em, good riddance!" Why should I have to put in work to a friendship, I'm awesome, I thought, everyone should want to be friends with me. And I honestly mean that with all the humility in my heart. But over the years after I have seen friendships come and go I have learned that it's not right to live your life that way. In the end to forsake all friends that come your way when the going gets tough, well, it pretty much equates to a very lonely life. I like my solitude as much as the next guy but in the end we are immortal and leave an eternal legacy behind not by how many people we've let slide through our fingers like quicksand, or by the moments we spend alone but by the number of meaningful connections we've established in our lives and by how many people we've touched. That is how we are remembered. That is how we live. Always.
So I wanted to remedy some mistakes I have made and so I wrote a friend of mine today to mend things between us after a very long time. I am not going to lie to you Athena, I was nervous writing to her. Sometimes when you are putting yourself out there and being candid with your emotions, well mi vida, that can be incredibly intimidating. It leaves you open to getting hurt, embarrassed, or even worse ignored. But that's okay Athena. It's okay to feel all of those things. Because in the end mami, life goes on. "In the end everything is okay, if it's not okay, it's not the end." It's perfectly fine to put yourself out there, to wear your heart on your sleeve, to be honest with people about how you feel regardless of the outcome. And the funny thing is most of the time the outcome is always better than you imagine. So with my anxiety aside I simply pressed sent and let the Universe unfold however it saw fit to. As you well know, I am as your unki called it today, a "lengthy" writer, so I wrote her a pretty nice lengthy message with no preconceived notions or ulterior motives than just to say a few things. And she wrote me back! Isn't that great!? The best part of it is, she wrote me the following message;

"The greatest meditation is a mind that let's go."
Out of all people I expect you to know where this quote is from.
P.S. You have a beautiful daughter
You can call me anytime.

Like I said the outcome is usually better than we imagine. And I thought it might be apropos to use that very beautiful quote to talk about tonight. Of course, I know this quote is from the Buddhist teachings. And I can't think of a more perfect way my friend could have responded. I completely agree with this teaching. Something I've come to learn in life baby is that holding onto certain emotions or feelings especially if they are negative ones, do more harm to oneself than anybody else. You certainly don't hurt anyone but yourself when you hold onto anger and resentment. That reminds me of another quote, "Holding onto anger is like grasping a piece of hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone, you are the one who gets burned." Interestingly enough that is also a quote from my friend Buddha. Very smart man Athena, I hope I get to teach you all about his beautiful words and beliefs. If we are to live life as creatures who are truly free, like Jonathan, well then we have to let go of all that holds us back from soaring, we have to release any baggage that could keep us grounded. In doing so, you are at peace with yourself. You are free to love and to do so without expectation or without rules or regulations. I imagine that living life with that attitude,with that frame of mind, leads to a lot of happiness.It's not always easy to live this way and I working on it everyday.  So what I want you to take from this experience is this, one it's always okay to put yourself out there and let people know how you feel and what's on your mind and two, it's not just vital to one's peaceful existence but it's a spectacular way to live .....that is the path of forgiveness and letting go. I believe it takes an immensely courageous and kind person to be willing to acquiesce to another persons plea for forgiveness. In the end those who are hardest to love and forgive are probably the ones who need our love and forgiveness the most. I would love to see you grow up to be that kind of person. To know when a person truly desires to be forgiven and then to do just that. When you forgive, others forgive you. Because trust me baby, there will come many a time in your life when you may need to be forgiven. When you forgive you are free of any lead weights to consume your brain, you can love, you can laugh, and you can be sure that karma will always come and find you. And I guess essentially when you forgive people you are claiming ownership over your thoughts, since anyone that can break your peace of mind can consider themselves ruler of your thoughts. If someone hurts you, disappoints you, or angers you and you allow that emotion to be felt over and over and ponder it incessantly then that person has some sort of power over you and they are victorious in their intent. But if you forgive them and forget their injustices then you are the winner because you have freed your mind and therefore your life of any negative influence they may have had. Remember that always. It is time for us to come to our farewell. I hope you are able to take away with you a little appreciation for Buddha and his teachings. You will get to know and appreciate many wise, courageous, and inspirational men and women and of course all whom without Jehovah could not have made such a mark on humanity. And we most certainly at some point or another discuss more thoroughly different religious beliefs. Anywhoo, I was saying goodbye right? Right. Well now I will lay down next to you and by your intoxicating and divine smell be drifted off to bed. May all your days be filled with noble truths....Ti amo bellissima bambina.

One of the very first....

Hey mamacita, 

You are laying here next to me and I hope my furious typing does not disturb your beautiful, peaceful slumber. I type so hard no matter how hard I try not to. So remember that quote book I was telling you about.....

Isn't that hilarious? Wow. How it takes me back every time I look at the cover of this book. Pretty much epitomizes my interests at the time and who I thought I was. I still feel that way ....Anywhoo....

So since I told you about Jonathan, my fine feathered friend that brought us here to play in the absolutely astounding world of words I thought I'd write you a little passage from the book that made it into the very first page of my very first quote book. Seems fitting enough...

 "Why aren't there more of us here? Why, where I came from there were. . . "

". . . thousands and thousands of gulls.I know." Sullivan shook his head. "The only answer I can see Jonathan, is that you are pretty well a one-in-a-million bird. Most of us came along ever so slowly. We went from one world into another that was almost exactly like it, forgetting right away where we had come from, not caring where we were headed, living for the moment. Do you have any idea how many lives we must have gone through before we even got the first idea that there is more to life than eating, or fighting, or power in the Flock? A thousand lives, Jon, ten thousand! And then another hundred lives until we began to learn that there is such a thing as perfection and another hundred again to get the idea that our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth. The same rule holds for us now, of course: we choose our next world through what we learn in this one. Learn nothing, and the next world is the same as this one, all the same limitations and lead weights to overcome."

He stretched his wings and turned to face the wind, "But you, Jon," he said, "learned so much at one time that you didn't have to go through a thousand lives to reach this one."

So what does it all mean Basil? ;-) You know reading that makes me realize once again how very true it is. You see Athena, for me, I feel that life is a series of tests. Not tests placed on you by anything or anyone other than your very self. We are often  faced with situations in which we may not make the most sagacious choices, or say the nicest things, or even end up doing something extremely different than what we intended to do. That very situation is a lesson in disguise and well sometimes not in a guise at all, sometimes that lesson slaps you like a bucket of ice cold water in your REM stage!

If you don't learn anything from your life's experiences then living them is futile. . So many people  live their lives making the same mistakes over and over and then death reaches them and they are none the wiser. I have been guilty of making the same mistakes one too many times. However, if you align your life in such a way that you are faced with a situation you've been in before and this time you do things right or take a different road then you are wiser than you can ever imagine. I want you to be the master of your life and not some little hamster running your life away in circles! You are a true success when you learn something about yourself from the choices you make and use them to guide you to where you want to be. In other words if the formula you are using for life doesn't seem to be working for you then you need to rewrite the equation a different way. So we must apply the knowledge we gain throughout our life and put it to some use. We must use our experiences as a lighthouse to guide our path in the right direction. 

That brings us to our farewell, that and the fact that my stomach has now begun eating itself and I must do something to appease it. Thank you for listening and I look forward to our next meeting.Oh yeah...I gotta end this right...It has been a most ineffable delight sharing with you one of the very first quote books and touching passages that danced along it's first entries and I hope that this is just of our very firsts in a long line of many....Je'Taime